I must say that it has been a very long while! Within those two years of hibernation, there are stories in between that I'd love to tell--stories of sobriety and of insanity, of passion and of rage, of triumph and of despair.
And so, as I usher in my renewed dedication to writing anything and everything under the bright sun (in spite of the torrential downpour earlier), I have decided to update the look of this blog, although one could tell I have just pressed on preset options for the lay-out, duh.
Welcome to the new Lucid Intervals.
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Blink
It has been three years since my last post on this blog. Three years and a lot has changed. From someone fresh out from school to someone working his own way to the top of the ladder. From a carefree guy to one trying hard to strike a balance between self and the burden to keep ill parents. From one with full of dreams to one a bit disillusioned by life but still fighting.
Better. Bolder. Wiser.
Lucid Intervals grows up.
Better. Bolder. Wiser.
Lucid Intervals grows up.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The After-life: Ode to Post-Graduation
The usual frenzy whenever June came was no more. The first school day of the year had me wanting to wake up early, take a nice morning bath, eat a hearty breakfast and walk school-bound. For reasons I barely understood, I felt this great eagerness to wear my worn-out school uniform, to just sit on the wooden armchair and to listen to the discussions of the day. But unfortunately (at the same time, at last!), I couldn't be admitted to the nursing school anymore.
The idea of leaving the college where one has poured out heart and soul just to get a degree after finishing the gruesome, or should I say grueling, tasks is actually a huge sigh of relief for any student who finally realizes for the first time, "Wow, I'm now a graduate!". However, while the daily grind of school-mall-net café-home is over, the ecstasy over the ever-fancied graduation that consummates school work also ends together with all the ever-dreaded office exams. Just when everything academic is done, life seems to be at a stand-still. Inertia sets in.
Some seven months ago, life was tough and hectic. We seniors then had to haggle on requirements for the board exam and, more importantly, get cleared up for the graduation. But requirements had to be checked for completion, too, before one could get cleared.
My stupidity (and procrastination, you may say) played a game at me. Some four weeks short of graduation and I was still not able to prepare my PRC requirements when everyone else was abuzz over and about them. Low salience to the problem. But it actually alarmed my instructors. I knew I needed to move my ass but I didn't know why I just couldn't move it. So, I was one of those who had been cleared later, some two days before graduation day. Whew. New world record huh. I didn't care, though. The most important thing for me then was just to be able to receive my diploma and ceremonially "cut" my sufferings.
Graduation Day was surreal! I couldn't get myself composed enough to fully grasp that I made it through nursing school. Me and my sloth against nursing school and all its diligence-demanding work. My hang-ups through college especially on my third year. And all of a sudden, a pin on the collar and diploma in one hand.
A bunch was in tears. Graduation rites must be tear-jerkers by nature, not only because friends will never get to see each other on almost a daily basis (because that never happened to our batch until the board exams commenced) but because one will feel a sense of accomplishment--finally achieving what was once just dreamt of. All the drama around and I didn't buy it. I knew there was a tougher opponent to take down: the fierce, merciless nursing board exams.
From March through late May, I and the rest of us had to work for the exams. We've heard various plights of different individuals who have met the "monster". Some smiled through it and subsequently "died"; others ganged up all the strength they had and defeated it just as David toppled Goliath. Still, others got so anxious that they peed in their pants while others took some time out dozing off while up close the greatest, most enormous, most cunning, ferocious and ruthless enemy since nursing school. Sweat dropped. Tears flowed. Saliva drooled in unintended yet inevitable naps. Test papers blotted with all sorts of stains. Boxes carelessly shaded by shivering hands. Erasures haphazardly done in the fear of losing time. Fears of the OMR going berserk. In short, the fears of failing by previous examinees (the successful and the trying-to-be-successful alike) from the deciding exam of the entire life had only wreaked more havoc than had brought more help. Just a few among the tens and thousands of stories that added to the anxiety of almost everyone; so many that we could even write a book on board exam blues, depression and psychosis.
The morning of the first day of exams was exciting for me and for most of us. We were so sure of getting a hundred percent passing percentage. “Yes, we can? Yes, we can!”, and so went our “ahoo-ahoo”(remember 300?) to strengthen and boost our morale.
Test one done and barely a grin from anyone of us. Test two done and a long face was on each of us while we ate our lunch. Test three was over and everyone just wanted to go back to the seminary and pour all the stress on volleyball, basketball and everything else. Spirits were dampened after day one of exams. Day two was more promising, though. The priests back at the seminary were brewing a post-exam party. So the night came and we partied really hard.
The following morning was a defining moment. Review sessions almost every day were finally over and our stay at the seminary through the month of May has called it quits. The final parting was there and it really was parting. We were going home at last, and subsequently, were going on separate paths.
The succeeding days dragged on. Nothing more to look forward each day. Nothing much to do. Nothing much to expect. The cycle starts with waking up, grabbing something to eat, watching TV, reading some novels, sleeping some more, eating more, watching TV some more, then snoring really loud. And then, there were the what-if-I-fail thoughts.
It's a fact that no change comes easy but as the days dragged on by, the sedentary life had gradually become a nightmare to me.
It's ironic how we, as students then, would day-dream of taking a break from all the patients, medical jargons, clinical instructors, nurses and doctors and all the germs in the hospital, RLE notebooks, case presentations, quizzes and long exams, and then wake up one day to yearn for the busy life. It's just hard to become suddenly unoccupied when one has been accustomed to full days and even sleepless nights.
I attended school at a tender age of five and has since never took a year off. Much of my daily life has revolved around it and all of a sudden, it's over. Being in school has kept me working on a goal. When I was in first grade, I told myself I must reach sixth grade and when I did, I wanted to get through High School. In college, all I ever wanted was to finish, get a nursing degree and become a registered nurse. My goals in life have been mostly based on schooling. And now that I'm done, I just don't have much of an idea how to challenge myself and keep boredom from killing me.
The real world is out there, they say. And it's a tougher world over there because the realities of life set in. Getting through school is easy, some say. Study hard and work hard and for sure you'll get by. But in the real world, oftentimes, hard work cannot assure getting one throughout the day. Workers work very hard; some even work overtime. But the monetary remuneration never seems to be enough. There are lots of professionals, even registered nurses, who are unemployed or are underemployed. To survive in this harsh world, there are no set algorithms or formulae. All is up to the one living a life of his own. Kanya-kanyang diskarte.
In as much as I wanted to sit in the Psychiatric Nursing class that day, I brushed the thought off of my mind and started looking up for jobs. After all, vacation's good but we need cash, don't we?
Four months since I started looking up for jobs, three months since I had become a registered nurse, and one month since I took oath and submitted applications, I still haven't got a job. With tens of thousands of nurses the Philippines produces each year against the meager opportunities here and the world over, how could I possibly get lucky?
Tough world, it really is. Plausible enough to be a huge challenge. And this should get my nerve.
The idea of leaving the college where one has poured out heart and soul just to get a degree after finishing the gruesome, or should I say grueling, tasks is actually a huge sigh of relief for any student who finally realizes for the first time, "Wow, I'm now a graduate!". However, while the daily grind of school-mall-net café-home is over, the ecstasy over the ever-fancied graduation that consummates school work also ends together with all the ever-dreaded office exams. Just when everything academic is done, life seems to be at a stand-still. Inertia sets in.
Some seven months ago, life was tough and hectic. We seniors then had to haggle on requirements for the board exam and, more importantly, get cleared up for the graduation. But requirements had to be checked for completion, too, before one could get cleared.
My stupidity (and procrastination, you may say) played a game at me. Some four weeks short of graduation and I was still not able to prepare my PRC requirements when everyone else was abuzz over and about them. Low salience to the problem. But it actually alarmed my instructors. I knew I needed to move my ass but I didn't know why I just couldn't move it. So, I was one of those who had been cleared later, some two days before graduation day. Whew. New world record huh. I didn't care, though. The most important thing for me then was just to be able to receive my diploma and ceremonially "cut" my sufferings.
Graduation Day was surreal! I couldn't get myself composed enough to fully grasp that I made it through nursing school. Me and my sloth against nursing school and all its diligence-demanding work. My hang-ups through college especially on my third year. And all of a sudden, a pin on the collar and diploma in one hand.
A bunch was in tears. Graduation rites must be tear-jerkers by nature, not only because friends will never get to see each other on almost a daily basis (because that never happened to our batch until the board exams commenced) but because one will feel a sense of accomplishment--finally achieving what was once just dreamt of. All the drama around and I didn't buy it. I knew there was a tougher opponent to take down: the fierce, merciless nursing board exams.
From March through late May, I and the rest of us had to work for the exams. We've heard various plights of different individuals who have met the "monster". Some smiled through it and subsequently "died"; others ganged up all the strength they had and defeated it just as David toppled Goliath. Still, others got so anxious that they peed in their pants while others took some time out dozing off while up close the greatest, most enormous, most cunning, ferocious and ruthless enemy since nursing school. Sweat dropped. Tears flowed. Saliva drooled in unintended yet inevitable naps. Test papers blotted with all sorts of stains. Boxes carelessly shaded by shivering hands. Erasures haphazardly done in the fear of losing time. Fears of the OMR going berserk. In short, the fears of failing by previous examinees (the successful and the trying-to-be-successful alike) from the deciding exam of the entire life had only wreaked more havoc than had brought more help. Just a few among the tens and thousands of stories that added to the anxiety of almost everyone; so many that we could even write a book on board exam blues, depression and psychosis.
The morning of the first day of exams was exciting for me and for most of us. We were so sure of getting a hundred percent passing percentage. “Yes, we can? Yes, we can!”, and so went our “ahoo-ahoo”(remember 300?) to strengthen and boost our morale.
Test one done and barely a grin from anyone of us. Test two done and a long face was on each of us while we ate our lunch. Test three was over and everyone just wanted to go back to the seminary and pour all the stress on volleyball, basketball and everything else. Spirits were dampened after day one of exams. Day two was more promising, though. The priests back at the seminary were brewing a post-exam party. So the night came and we partied really hard.
The following morning was a defining moment. Review sessions almost every day were finally over and our stay at the seminary through the month of May has called it quits. The final parting was there and it really was parting. We were going home at last, and subsequently, were going on separate paths.
The succeeding days dragged on. Nothing more to look forward each day. Nothing much to do. Nothing much to expect. The cycle starts with waking up, grabbing something to eat, watching TV, reading some novels, sleeping some more, eating more, watching TV some more, then snoring really loud. And then, there were the what-if-I-fail thoughts.
It's a fact that no change comes easy but as the days dragged on by, the sedentary life had gradually become a nightmare to me.
It's ironic how we, as students then, would day-dream of taking a break from all the patients, medical jargons, clinical instructors, nurses and doctors and all the germs in the hospital, RLE notebooks, case presentations, quizzes and long exams, and then wake up one day to yearn for the busy life. It's just hard to become suddenly unoccupied when one has been accustomed to full days and even sleepless nights.
I attended school at a tender age of five and has since never took a year off. Much of my daily life has revolved around it and all of a sudden, it's over. Being in school has kept me working on a goal. When I was in first grade, I told myself I must reach sixth grade and when I did, I wanted to get through High School. In college, all I ever wanted was to finish, get a nursing degree and become a registered nurse. My goals in life have been mostly based on schooling. And now that I'm done, I just don't have much of an idea how to challenge myself and keep boredom from killing me.
The real world is out there, they say. And it's a tougher world over there because the realities of life set in. Getting through school is easy, some say. Study hard and work hard and for sure you'll get by. But in the real world, oftentimes, hard work cannot assure getting one throughout the day. Workers work very hard; some even work overtime. But the monetary remuneration never seems to be enough. There are lots of professionals, even registered nurses, who are unemployed or are underemployed. To survive in this harsh world, there are no set algorithms or formulae. All is up to the one living a life of his own. Kanya-kanyang diskarte.
In as much as I wanted to sit in the Psychiatric Nursing class that day, I brushed the thought off of my mind and started looking up for jobs. After all, vacation's good but we need cash, don't we?
Four months since I started looking up for jobs, three months since I had become a registered nurse, and one month since I took oath and submitted applications, I still haven't got a job. With tens of thousands of nurses the Philippines produces each year against the meager opportunities here and the world over, how could I possibly get lucky?
Tough world, it really is. Plausible enough to be a huge challenge. And this should get my nerve.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
of love and boyce avenue
Barely days from Valentine's and the city is bursting with all the love and love songs in the world.
I have always been fond of walking my way around Cebu City, well, for my routine destinations though: school, home, church, review center. And as if taunting me, I have noticed that lovers come "mocking" at me as they fill each nook and cranny I go to. Undeniably, love fever has seemed to infect everyone, save for yours truly.
But that didn't keep my spirits dampened. In fact, I have been looking forward to this week this month. Waxing sentimental over the love-foolness I had last year and lost this time couldn't make my high anticipation go weak.
I was reading the daily one day and found out Boyce Avenue would perform here at SM City's Atrium at the Northwing.
The Manzano brothers of YouTube and acoustic covers fame are here in the island to perform for their Cebuano fans. On the 14th, they were set to amaze their fans in Manila at SM's Mall of Asia.
It might be true that Filipinos are really fond of love songs and I for one attest to that. And perhaps this had been the formula for the success of the simple beginnings of Boyce Avenue.
Anyway, with the realization that this event would be once-in-a-lifetime (as most foreign artists perform in the capital), I immediately ganged up my friends and devised a perfect formula to be able to watch the band. And everyone was on it!
12th of February. Today. Everything went berserck. Suddenly, friends became busy with a semifinal examination. Much to my dismay. My dependent personality has surfaced again. In the end, I never went to the concert.
Whew. Might as well do more worthwhile things.
On second thought: would listening to love songs do me better?
Being loveless this time of the year I think is just as tough as being alone on Christmas. When everyone is so hushed up with amorous spirts, here I am in the streets walking all alone, staring at lovers holding hands. Managing to smile at how happy they seemed. Trying to be happy for other people. Looking up at the bright lights of the highest tower in the city, trying to convince myself that there still is hope.
However, a friend quoted a clinical instructor: "Don't worry 'day, kay later, you will be able to find someone who can accept you for who and what you are. It's true gyud".
It must have been true to her. I mean, she admits of being not the physically desirable woman. Yet, her boyfriend's just so in love with her. Lucky girl, she must be.
With that note, I quieted myself.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
first up!
I have always been the type of person who is so fond of scribbling things, from simple notes to the most "char" just-crossed-my-mind thoughts. I have always been inclined to writing things that just come up to my thoughts, especially when in a eureka moment, as if in dire effort to freeze the statements and preserve them. And right now, after almost a year of being single, salient and well-constructed thoughts on life, love and everything else intangible yet vital to existence here on earth has been a therapeutic means for me to get through the days, weeks, months and now, almost a year of treading on.
And finally, after having influenced by a good friend to start blogging, I finally got the nerve to do a blog.
Finally, I can just type all the "charness" I know instead of texting them around.
Perhaps I must keep this first blog short for now. I might not be able to fill this each day, as I have to get to the nearest cafe just to avail of the net but rest assured, I shall be filling this each week.
So, way to go for me!
And finally, after having influenced by a good friend to start blogging, I finally got the nerve to do a blog.
Finally, I can just type all the "charness" I know instead of texting them around.
Perhaps I must keep this first blog short for now. I might not be able to fill this each day, as I have to get to the nearest cafe just to avail of the net but rest assured, I shall be filling this each week.
So, way to go for me!
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